AAARRRGGGHHH!

Life is full of things that annoy, irk and occasionally anger us. But sometimes, something, or an accumulation of irritating events, causes even the most serene person to transcend normality, crossing into that blissful realm of seething wrath.

And looking at this supposed miracle of modern technology (my laptop) that I’m writing this blog on now, if I had £5 for every time I’ve wanted to launch it through the nearest window, I’d be remarkably better off. It wouldn’t need no rocket to fly through space, believe me.

I’m not alone in this either. Take the issue of uncooperative technology for example.

All of us painfully endure the frustrations of dealing with contrary and willful mobile phones, computers et al; most of us coping with this by quietly calling the object in question a little bastard (which it is), sighing heavily and having a good bitch about it after.

Not so here. One meek-minded citizen in Colorado decided to exact his own final solution on his disobedient computer. He took it into a back alley and emptied a full clip into it with his handgun. Lucas Hinch was duly arrested for discharging a weapon within city limits; the penalty yet to be decided. Just to clarify the matter, a police spokesman later confirmed that the attack on the computer “effectively disabled it”. Yeah, we already guessed that, Officer Dibble.

But Mr Hinch was good natured about the arrest, claiming he didn’t know he was breaking the law when he got mediaeval on his PC and was triumphant in victory, describing the moment when he carried out the execution as “glorious”; continuing: “That computer had a bad day.”

If you were a friend of mine Lucas, then don’t do me no favours, pal.

But, in the heat of the moment, who among us hasn’t fantasised about wreaking revenge a la Michael Douglas’ character D-Fens in “Falling Down”? It’s a seductive idea, and it seems to be a widespread aspect of the modern mindset – including the minefield of family relationships:

– Like a domestic argument over a couple of cans of beer ending with a shotgun blast through the front door of families house.

Elvis Rhodes took two beers from a cooler on his son and daughter’s porch whilst they were away, and when later confronted about this, an argument ensued, with an upset Elvis walking to a nearby store to replace the booze.  But on returning, they refused to talk to him; locking him outside. Feeling slightly aggrieved, Rhodes Sr. grabbed a pickaxe and tried to batter down the door. His son responded with shotgun fire, causing his father to stage a strategic retreat (presumably at high speed), call the authorities and desperately search for a fresh change of underwear.

Now I’m not advocating that when someone pushes in front of you in a queue that you pick up the nearest blunt object and brain the tosser. But what to do?

Unfortunately, some annoying people don’t fit into any one category. Sometimes, you just plain don’t like people, but you have to deal with them every day. If they’re truly assholes, there are ways to productively call them out on their BS, and that might be the best way to go. For others, it may just be that you don’t like them, and nothing can help you deal with them better. Ultimately, if all else fails, you can in fact tell someone you don’t like them – just don’t be within reach of a loaded firearm when you do it…

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