Hoorah For Our Keystone Cops!

As a nation, us Brits used to enjoy a very effective and well, British style of policing. The local bobby who knew his beat, the families living there, and you by name, was quietly effective in disputes; not only dispensing the law but also doing so by using a great degree of common sense. Dixon of Dock Green, all that sort of thing.

So consider the state of British policing today. Incompetence and stupidity, hand-in-hand with the pernicious poisons of health and safety and political correctness.

You think that statement was a little strong? Here’s my proof:

• A Staffordshire copper is threatening to sue a gay nightclub in Stoke-on-Trent after claiming his hearing was damaged by their burglar alarm, stating that the alarm was set to an ‘unsafe level’ – despite the alarm working normally and conforming to British Standards. I thought, in my ignorance, that that was the whole purpose of an alarm, yes?
• Meanwhile, in Somerset, police refused to shut down an illegal rave in a quarry that was keeping local residents awake because it was ‘too dark’. After conducting a risk assessment, senior officers decided that any attempt to intervene in poor light would be a ‘breach of health & safety’. For the same reason, cops have been ordered in several incidents to stand back and watch people drown because they haven’t been ‘water trained’. Perhaps they also concluded that the decibel level from the deafening racket could cause tinnitus and spark compensation claims. Oh, and if they had to enter a cold river, they just might chill their ickle ears – where’s my lawyer? Me? Boo fucking hoo.
• Leicestershire’s decision not to investigate burglaries at houses with odd numbers? Yes, completely true. Also, they’ve told the public they shouldn’t expect police to investigate crimes such as burglary, especially if it’s only something like an iPad which has been stolen. Instead, they have requested that Joe Public take their own photos of ‘evidence’, such as fingerprints and footprints, and email them to the police, without realising that if the victims’ computers and mobile phones have been stolen, how are they supposed to photograph and email anything?
• Most forces seem to have taken it upon themselves to ignore drug crimes, whatever the law says. So the Durham police commissioner who posed for pictures with a pro-legalisation campaigner called Mustafa Spliff obviously failed to see the significance there…
• And, in Christchurch, Dorset, police scrambled a helicopter, five patrol cars, several trained marksmen and a dog team after a report that a man was brandishing a weapon in a back garden. What they got was a ‘gunman’, who was ‘armed’ with a rake helping a friend with a spot of late-night landscaping.
• In Aldershot, police sent a helicopter and an armed response team after a folk musician who was practising a didgeridoo in a field to avoid disturbing his neighbours. The next one tops this all, peeps…
• Officers in Hull tasered a dwarf in a wheelchair who was pretending to be a Dalek. (Stop giggling Shaun, this is serious, kid.) The dangerous dwarf had a sucker dart stuck to his forehead, had filled his mouth with dominoes and was shouting: ‘Exterminate, exterminate!’ (Shaun, STOP laughing! Just write the sodding article, OK?) He was clearly causing a public nuisance, but couldn’t he have been restrained without pumping 50,000 volts into him? Twice. Then again, a gung-ho copper in Chorley two years ago tasered a blind man after confusing his white stick for a samurai sword. Well that’s obvious then, isn’t it? Give the constable a medal.
• West Midlands Police refusing to publish the details of ten men wanted for serious crimes, including murder, on the grounds that it constituted a breach of their human rights and their right to privacy. Funny, though, how the right to privacy doesn’t seem to apply to celebrities (Freddie Starr, et al) falsely accused of ‘historic’ child abuse, at substantial cost to their finances and generally, their careers, reputations and livelihoods.

For a police force to complain (as they constantly do) about diminishing finances and “effective use of taxpayers’ money”, these debacles simply prove that this is fallacious. They should grow up, get their heads out of the reg books, away from the spreadsheets and DO THEIR JOB. PROPERLY. The lack of common sense, allied with political correctness and an ant-like devotion to rules and regulations infesting modern society is not only sickening but also greatly disturbing to me. As it should be to you.

Wake up will you, you idiots! Be HUMAN again, leave your slavery and walk freely in the fresh air and sunlight of normality and reason!

But unfortunately, until you grow a spine, you never will.

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