Trevor’s been in my life for 6 years now. He’s one of the best things in my life and he’s a cat. And to coin a phrase, he did literally have me at “Hello.” I still recall the warm, Saturday afternoon at the rehomers’ house when she called his name and this nonchalant little fellow strolled in, jumped on the coffee table, and squeaked “Hi” to me. The ultimate cool dude. And at that moment, I said “Yup. He’s the one.”
Never regretted it since. Little git.
Even when he wakes me up every morning, whether I want a lie-in or not, by gently clawing at me with his paw. Not that hard, but not that gentle either, with his claws extended just a tiny bit. “Hey, time for breakfast, big guy.” Thanks, mate. Thanks a bunch.
He also starts howling super early each morning, in pursuit of breakfast. It gets even better right after daylight saving time starts as Trevor can’t tell time, so suddenly his 6am breakfast call became 5am. Clamouring around on the bed, pawing my face, meowing to wake the dead, I couldn’t handle it. Without thinking about which end of the cat was pointed at me, I pushed him away, and immediately regretted it. Trevor expressed his displeasure by presenting his arse directly to my face.
But like Emily with Bagpuss, I love him. His path through life has not been an easy one, having been semi-feral after being dumped, and being hit by a car which smashed his face up so badly it required reconstruction however, he is an incredibly sweet soul.
Still, he is, after all, a cat. Incredibly vain, arrogant, self-serving, and yet incredibly loyal and loving. The proud owner of an incredibly swift left paw, he’s also proved more than able to defend himself. Several dogs have found this out to their cost.
And in terms of employment prospects, he’s uniquely versatile. Here are some important points from his C.V.:
• I get cuddles whenever I want them.
• I don’t understand the language that Shaun uses, but I always know when he is talking about me.
• Shaun won’t change the weather no matter how many times I tell him to.
• I prefer even my water to have a tuna flavour. And, I eat therefore I am.
• Lying atop the bookshelf, which is very tall, gives me an excellent view of everything that happens in my flat.
• I perform acrobatic leaps that make the rest of the world sick with jealousy.
• Shaun can sleep through alarm clocks and train wrecks, but not through the siren that is my voice. He wakes up, feeds me and I sleep through the rest of the day. Who cares, as long as I am fed?
• I feel an irresistible urge to get inside a cupboard as soon as it’s open and disturb any articles therein.
• I can eat all the food I you want. All! I just say “meow”, and more food magically appears.
• The computer is a friendly, warm object that makes a grinding noise when I cuddle it for long periods of time. Shaun mutters something about “overheating” but I pretend that being a cat, I have absolutely no comprehension of this.
• Sometimes I’ll stop talking in the middle of a sentence and wash my leg or my arse.
• I am always right.
So there you go. A brief summation of Trevor. But instead of continuing, I have to go now because it’s gone ominously quiet.
What the hell is he up to now?