The Christmas spirit is described by some as “feelings of joy and nostalgia mixed with associations to merriment, gifts, delightful smells, and copious amounts of good food.”
Are you for real? Stop talking this crap RIGHT NOW. But no, you say, it’s the most wonderful time of the year! No, no and thrice no. This is the conclusion reached, after excessive discussion of the subject with a learned colleague who shares my views on this, Gary the Porter at my local hospital who is a thoroughly excellent chap and knows his stuff. So it’s true.
I love Christmas just as much as the next person, but now that we’re technically adults, it’s lost a bit of its magic. Long gone are the Christmas Eves’ spent tracking where Santa was around the world, speculating wildly about what presents are coming our way, and generally getting completely spazmoid about the whole frenzied experience. It’s all baloney now, and instead we’ve traded those moments in for debt, debt, more debt, massive stress, disappointment, arguments and physical excess. All for one frigging day. Oh, and the television schedule is downright pants as well.
So, Santa baby, you know what? I’ll forget everything for financial security, anything approaching a satisfying sex life, and if you would throw in a lovely crate of Chablis, that’d be great. And there are many other reasons why I’m glad Christmas is no more. Like not listening to that fucking Mariah Carey song anymore, because, let’s be honest, Christmas music is crap. And so are the film schedules. “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Yeah, yeah – shoot me now, willya?
At least now it’s all done, my wallet can stop crying, and I can shop decently again without battling against literally zillions of ill-mannered, pushing, shoving moronic people everywhere. And I don’t have to see another Christmas decoration (especially at home) for another year. Until like, August. And no more waiting in enormous queues just to buy a lousy, overpriced stinking candle. Although this being Britain, this phenomenon will obviously continue as normal for everything else.
So there we are. Another year nearly dispatched for us all. And to finish on a lighter note, I DO hope that our next one carries more hope, love and decency for us all than this one did. Until then, Gentle Readers, my very best and warmest wishes to you all. Thanks for reading and I trust, enjoying everything that I’ve published on Speak this 2015.