You know, Gentle Reader, I’ve always been a firm believer in keeping that little bit of child in yourself, and having some fun in the process. And in a world filled with annoying people, it’s especially satisfying to quietly devise new and interesting ways to confuse such frigging idiots just for the sheer devilment of it. And where there’s work for the Devil’s Imp, you’ll find me there.
There are so many wondrous ways to carry out such heinous and chuckalicious pranks, and the enjoyment derived from them is immense. I especially like putting people into a complete mindfuck by employing tactics like:
- When eating out with someone and they get up to get another drink or answer the phone, etc, turning their plate 180 degrees.
- When walking in front of a stranger and turn a corner, sprint for the couple of seconds when they can’t see you. By the time they turn the corner, you’re 15-20 metres in front of where you should be.
- When replying to a co-worker’s email, edit the copy of their message to add misspellings, punctuation mistakes, and things like that. If it turns into a long email conversation, their original message ends up looking like it was written by a monkey. Oh, and make sure you cc it to senior management as well.
- Starting random sentences with “Not being racist but…”even though what you say has nothing to do with race at all. Alternatively, end random sentences with “no pun intended”, even when there is no pun. Works for me…
- This is a good one. When people are talking to you, very slowly open your mouth until they just start to notice, then close it. Complete confusion guaranteed.
- There’s a great game called “How much shit can I hand you before you really notice.” Whatever is around while we’re talking, hand it to them, hold it for a second, whilst still talking. Then hand them something else, then hand them yet another thing. Pretty soon they’re swamped by salt shakers and staplers and cups and pens. You may end the torture only when they eventually stop, notice and suffer an immediate nervous breakdown. Love it.
- And finally, while walking past a complete stranger, casually point down and say, “Oh, you dropped your pocket.” I guarantee they’ll look around for it, get frantically worried, and the realisation when it dawns on them what was said is priceless. God I so love pissing people off…
So there you go. Some little trinkets of love spread your way to help enrich your life evilly. Enjoy, and if you’re ever prosecuted, sued or involuntarily sectioned in the course of pursuing such activities, you don’t know me, OK? Enjoy.