Burping Lust.

“And when I get that feeling, I want…”

-Marvin Gaye.

Now, Gentle Readers, I’m no shrinking violet, and few things in life make me say “Whaat?” But reading that for many people, burping is a major sexual turn on (yes, you heard right) definitely qualifies. Yes, a good old bit of belching is a major sexual turn on; people finding it arousing to watch other people burp, or to burp themselves.

Those who are turned on by others’ eructation (there’s your word of the day, peeps) seek each other out; sharing their desires and links to belching videos on websites containing thousands of posts.

One 42-year-old user revealed that he likes guys who can burp on command.” On the same thread, a 25-year-old wrote: I do some very good burping of my own! and invited others to contact him. Ladies, line up to take these guys home to meet the parents…

Users also share their tips on how to create the best-sounding belches, including tips on the best drinks to get the burps flowing, filled with useful, stimulating advice about soft drinks. It’s the real thing, guys (think about it).

But a crisis looms for these individuals as apparently, there’s not as much new content these days and superb belchers can no longer achieve their desired results (whatever they are) and this troubles them mightily. Finding burping arousing can also cause problems in relationships, as one revealed: “I have a friend that I just found out is an amazing burper. He showed me his talent and yeah it was pretty exciting to say the least. I had to sort of, shift my position to hide my shame.”

Now this is light years away from “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours…”

Another described a girl in his class: “…who out of nowhere lets out these huge burps, and obviously it’s a major turn on. I kept shifting around in my seat and I could barely control myself.” Christ, this never happened in “O”-Level Geography.

And there is (not unsurprisingly) absolutely nothing in the academic or clinical literature on burping fetishism, but there is some thought that it is the noise made rather than the action itself that is sexualised and arousing. What’s wrong with a dog-eared (don’t even go there) of National Geogaphic these days? World’s gone mad.

So there we are Gentle Readers. Another glimpse into life’s rich, warped tapestry.

And be careful when you’re next dining out, and you inadvertently let out a rip-snorter. If you notice anyone nearby shifting in their seats, be afraid. VERY afraid.

They just might not be signalling for the cheque.

 

 

 

 

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