Sinister Servings…

Now, working in the catering industry is not easy. I know this from having a lovely partner who is a chef in a local noted pub/restaurant and some of her experiences are sometimes strange, but super weird, ‘Twilight Zone’ stuff? Nope. But as is the wont of us humans, there are always exceptions.

Like ordering water with tons of lemons and sugar, and attempting to make your own lemonade there at the table to save on the bill. Incredible. Just order a friggin’ drink for chrissakes!

Or ordering onion rings, and asking for a cup of the sauce at the bottom of the plate. Except that it’s fryer grease not sauce. Insisting on a full a cup of it in fact. And seasoning the grease with salt and pepper and eating it all…

But being a gin afficionado, I like this – a diner ordering the house salad; dressing on the side. OK so far you say. No.When served, our intrepid gourmet orders a shot of gin, which she then proceeds to dump on the salad. Certainly a vinaigrette yes, and I know even some dressings can have a splash of spirits, but straight gin? Her reasoning? “You gotta season the salad.” I just hope it was Tanqueray, or even better, Ruby Rock. Mmmm.

Another inhabitant of this weirdo wasteland was the lady who would pick a lobster out of the tank; demanding that it was boiled alive, and whole, Without being gutted or cleaned, and still with it’s intestines and all the shit thereof. I believe in proper seasoning, but crustacean crap? Forget it.

What is it with these dingbats? The world of food is wonderful when everything goes well, and is one of lifes’ perfect pleasures. Gin Lady? Strange, but interesting. Fryer grease? That’s not even in the league of pregnant cravings. That nutball needed sectioning so that society wouldn’t be infected by her alien palette.

And finally, we return to the DIY lemonade diner intent on saving some money.

Someone equally barking mad who, upon requesting one latex glove, then proceeded to go straight to the bathroom.

Now granted, the experience of eating is supposed to be pleasurable, and as cost-effective as possible. But this? Either the waiting staff were stunningly attractive, or he simply wanted to supply his own salad dressing.

Uh, Miss? Can you hold the Caesar Salad please? Thanks.

Just in case.


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